I had this dream where this friend of mine (whom I didn't recognize as anyone I know) had this live webcast show and he needed me to fill in for this woman who couldn't be there. She has long blond hair and it was similar to the hair I used to have and she put it up the way I used to. Anyway, my job was to put on this green leather floor length jacket and walk the runway...I was a little apprehensive about it but I figured, who cares, I can get my acting on...so I do this, and it's a shoddy production/rendition of this live webcast thing...and afterward I'm told I had several other tasks to do like switching coats and putting a sheet over my head like a ghost and no one told me previously of course...and then I suddenly realized I don't have long hair in the dream...maybe I did originally....but it vanishes upon my consciousness of it. And even though I didn't do "anything right" I told myself that at least I tried and it doesn't really make sense to try to be something I'm not...(now I'm kinda reading into it...) It was a weird dream.
It's interesting to dream here...my processes seem to go right along with my dreams...and very casually so. Of course I'd dream about being an 'actor' cause it's all about being real here, being my authentic self, etc.
Had a lovely chat at my friends last night before I slept. It was nice that I could talk to them all at once on speakerphone...for all my annoyances regarding the phone, when I'm thousands of miles away, it's pretty cool. :)
All right, I gotta get ready for class.(yikes!)

I am familiar with the concept of the deeper the pain, the funnier the jokes...hmm, that came out wrong. What I mean is that when someone has suffered a lot, and humor is their line of defense and protection (I need to use 'I' statements...)...because I have endured a lot of trauma in my life and humor has become my ally in the survival of those traumas, it is an intense humor...often inappropriate, but mostly truthful. I see THAT correlation...but this inner urging to get into it more, to look at it as a healing art...is confusing. When people talk to me about the thing that I can do that makes me forget time and space, I say writing. But I know that it's not simply writing...it's humor and then writing becomes a tool for that humor. Sometimes not a very good one since I don't write humor all that often. Anyway...it's been coming up into my consciousness a lot lately...and there's no class that deals with it, so it is free to flit about, trying out diff. things. I enjoy the prospect of friends spitting out food because I am simply talking...so what to do with that? Or be with that? I'm a little impatient right now...it's a scary place to be looking deeper into myself this way...I'll try to just sit with it.

Here's some new info...I finally have the phone number with me as I blog!
You can call me internationally (complete with expensive rates) at 44 1309 690 113. If you want to call often, my sister recommended VIP Communications...it's online and has something like .05/min rates. Which is better than my .12/min. And I promise not to talk for a long time... This system has a voicemail that I can get and this is the number you can call to HEAR MY VOICE. The phone is in an office and NOT in our house so if you want to get a hold of me, then we should set up a time to talk...it's much cheaper for the US to call the UK so no excuses...hee hee.

Don't forget, my birthday is Friday (the 19th)and I am turning 26. Feel free to call, send, email, think, etc. :) I bought chocolate cake at the normal grocery store...:) it's my drug of choice here.

I'm enjoying a relaxing Saturday...it's warm and windy outside. I'm downloading my pictures from the beg. of the semester so you can all have a better idea of what I'm doing. You DO have to create an account so if you want to see my pics and don't already have an account, email me and I will "share my album." The pictures are too big to send individually. Feel free to download any and don't pay for prints as they are a bit expensive and not worth it. Unless you don't have a photo printer...Is that confusing enough for you? Write me for clarity.

What else...not much I guess. Now that I have nothing to do on the weekend, I find that I am missing the process part of Findhorn...where is the balance? I'm sure I'll find it somewhere...

Hmm...I seem to be on top of the email thing.
I just heard that Johnny Cash and John Ritter died. Man, I hate that. Johnny Cash...whoa. I hope someone will tape at least one of the tributes that will be broadcasted on the telly. He did live a long life though. Esp. with all that shooting and Wild West stuff. John Ritter though...three's company indeed. It's weird to hear that stuff when I am off in Brigadoon land. I must also say that I am getting more and more aware of the impending encroachment of death...not only mine, but of my elders. It's harsh sometimes.
I've been dealing/talking about death a lot it seems. My Dad's anniv. was the 11th. Although, I rarely feel sad on that day, of course. It's usually an all the time thing. Although, with all the spirituality and angels flying about here, I feel much closer to him than I have in times past. For longer stints, too.
I just went to the gorcery and bought some food. It's weird not to be able to eat whatever I want...or at least have to pay extra. I am pretty sure I will be done with college soon.
This coming week we have Human Ecology (finally, some classes!). Lots about farming and food and community. Should be insanely interesting. Next week I am off (and will not be near internet--boo hoo!) to Trees for Life. The man who started it came and spoke to us and let me tell you, it was pretty inspiring. I rarely get excited about restoration...feeling it's futile while we go ahead and continue the degradation, but he was certainly an uplifting chap and it made me feel like I could actually do something with my life. More on that, when I get back to the bungalow.

Oh my dear fans! I'm sitting in the Forres Library, with my schedule of this week, my typing fingers, and enough energy to hopefully put down a good entry. It's been an intense couple of days (have I oversaid this yet?). We're in the middle of Experience Week. People come from all over to spend a week getting to know the Findhorn Experience. It's an involved one, and I don't think a week is enough time to really get into it but I see why they have this type of program. My group is doing it and we've done similar exercises previous to this, but a larger group brings up totally different things, I've noticed. Not that I would do it again if I had a choice. It's a lot of FEELING and it tires me out, to be quite honest. But onto the details. I've met many people from all over the world, interested in all sorts of things from witchery to shamanism to the community life to Johnny Depp (!). Our first groupish experience was Sacred Dance. We learned a bunch of dances from diff. cultures and spent time dancing (I spent time fumbling around and trying to find my feet). They even had some Israeli dances I'd never done (imagine that!). Then we had an angel meditation. I did this with my smaller semester group, but it's always nice to get more insight into the various parts of myself. My angel was synthesis. It's very fitting (of course) because I have been exploring my relationship with being alone and being in group a lot recently. The more I allow myself to be alone, read alone, write alone, go off and do my own thing, the easier it is (and the more pleasurable it is) to connect to the group, both the big and the small. What's important is that I not osteracize (or misspell) either part of myself. I love groups when I am allowed to not be in them. It was a nice thing to focus on for the week.
later that evening we had inner life sharing...I wasn't going to talk initially, but something in me was pressing me to tell the story about this vision I had about coming into my light. It was an amazing vision, very emotional, and I talked about it at the time, but then quietly forgot it. I told it to the large group and I actually got more energized...my voice was shaking and I was super humbled by it's power. Many people came up to me afterward to thank me for telling the story...which I wasn't expecting and I loved the contact. I know I have a tendency to clam up and assume that no one is affected by me and this really surprised me when people I barely knew were touched by a 'silly' story I told. Plus, it made me realize it wasn't silly, that it was important and that coming into my light was important as well.
The next day we started our week long work shift...this is where we spend a few hours a day working in one of the departments in Findhorn. I attuned to be in home care. Attuning is a process where we meditate and see where we envision ourselves...often it's not in the place where we want to go, but more in the place that would be the most beneficial (or where we might learn the most) for us. Homecare was something I was interested in, but more for a grounding effect. And I like the idea of caring for the place I live. I did vacuuming that day. Vaccuming the stairs. My family members will find that funny as I've been a 'stair vacuumer' for most of my life. It was actually a very emotional experience. Not crying emotional, but I just felt emotive while I was cleaning up the dirty stairs. It's good to feel centered while cleaning because it's a time where I can let things sink in and process while still feeling busy enough. And I liked the exercise a lot. it was no easy task.
Later that day we played discovery games...a bunch of trust games...things I've played at camp and in groups before. Not the same games, but with similar purposes. A few people weren't really ready to play the games and it made me feel proud of myself to notice that although it was somewhat risky at times, that I felt secure enough in this group of strangers to let my body go a little. It's strange how little things can heighten my awareness of risks and vulnerabilities. But I enjoyed it. They had a bit of group hugging which I'm not a fan of most of the time...it's not all my bag here, but it's not to know I always have choice.
The food here at Cluny (which is a different campus from The Park, where I live most of the time) is EXCELLENT. I stuff my face each meal. Although, to be blunt and very Becca, it's a bit different from my diet at home and needless to say, I spend quality time in the loo. But I am getting used to it. for those of you who swear I have a fear of veggies, I've been eating salad almost everyday, and there's always a veggie on my plate. Although, I balance that out with lots of chocolate...love that english chocolate, i do.
I also really enjoy the two tea breaks I get each day. It makes the time less frantic. At home they are 'coffee' or 'smoke' breaks, but somehow calling it a tea break makes it that much more relaxing. I drink at least two cups of postem (or Barley cup as they call it here) a day. Yum.
That evening, we all gathered to do group sharing which is an open forum for anyone who wants to share their experiences...the students had been feeling some resistance to participating (we were balancing our cynicism out cause there was a lot of 'spiritual' talk which can be a little annoying if it's too much). I shared that I was feeling inauthentic which was important for me to share because the group spirituality thing that is a fundamental thing about Findhorn can be quite overwhelming. I think at one point I had meditated 3 times in one day. That's a lot if I'm not studying to be a monk. I am learning balance with that...and of course my sense of humor does a great job of expressing my cynicism and more down to earthedness...and no worries, this isn't a cult. At least, i don't HAVE to join. :)
Wednesday we went out on a group nature outing...which I was reluctant about at first, but when I found my spot and had a nice nap in the sun with the river rolling in the background, I lightened up. Even wrote in my journal. I really do love nature and I enjoy the reconnection. It's funny that I take it for granted in Seattle when I am surrounded by it. Seattle is beautiful and forgiving of my fair-weather friendship. I miss it a lot. But Scotland has my fix of evergreens and rolling hills. Even some mountains!
Wednesday was interesting because someone from the community came and spoke about the fundamental parts of the community like finance and decision-making, and the what he saw as the four groups of people (spiritual, communal, ecological, and those that follow Eileen Caddy--one of the founders, the only one who still lives in the community). I realized that of course I have my fingers in each of those pies (well, not so much the Eileen followers) but I see that there are many things that make up a community and add to its appeal. I am studying for the creation of community at home (in seattle!) and I am excited to maybe employ some of the things that I am learning here one day.
On a more emotional note, this past week has been a lot of stuff for me to handle. In different instances, more than one thing has come up for me to think about or feel or deal with. I was thinking about my sense of humor and what a gift it is and how I push it aside a little because I claim I don't want to be a stand-up comedian, and yet, when I make people laugh, I see there is healing in that. I'm scared to open up to any other possibilities in the world of humor because they seem to be hard work, but I am noticing more and more that simply using humor the way I have been, doesn't do it justice...it's a gift and if not used to its full potential, I am only cheating myself...and others as well, I guess. I can say that I have enjoyed making my friends here laugh...as they are free with their laughter and it's most definitely contagious...they all have hilarious laughs and it fuels me to hear them.
Second, I have been noticing my fear around the idea of abundance. Not just financial, but in general. I had the spontaneous reaction to it last night when I discovered that my fear relates to my dad's death, and not to loss of money. I have feared that there won't be enough love for me (despite the constant, genuine and powerful love I receive all the time). Separately, today, we played a version of the Transformation Game (which is an actual board game that people here made) I did some work around that abundance fear and apparently my block is not that I don't receive, but that I get anxious. which keeps me from sharing myself. Yikes. Nothing like some clarity to cut through my defenses. And my angel card was courage. How fitting. Angel cards are also a product of Findhorn. They are these little cards with words like spontaeity and sythesis and freedom and truth and courage, etc...that we draw all the time. They're everywhere. It's a big part of the community. My words have been pretty right on and they've helped me focus more on certain things here.
I know that I have not processed all that has happened in the last couple of days. This can be extremely hard for me and my overworked heart. The constant input and change of habits and exploration of myself has really opened me up but it's sometimes like a drowning and less like a shower. Soon I will be in my groove and learn how to filter and process faster or more efficiently or maybe more slowly. It's all relative here.
I have noticed that I feel more powerful here. Not in a domineering sort of way, but there is WAY less bullshit to contend with and that makes my stuff come up faster and yet cleaner. I like that.
I've been missing home a lot...not because I want to come home necessarily, but I think of all of you daily, wishing you were here to talk to about stuff that comes up, wishing I could snuggle with you and laugh and NOT have to 'feel' or 'emote.' I look forward to my precious free time and feel NO guilt about spending most of it online, or in the library or away from the group. The power of alonetime is nice to realize.
I am getting closer to my classmates/roommates each day. It's amazing how quick we gelled and feel comfortable. And it's coming out that people like the internet and shave their legs and have chocolate addictions and like to listen to their headphones. I'm happy to have stated that outright instead of pretending I'm all eco all the time. Which I'm not, nor do I care to be.
I am excited to talk to people about creating community in Seattle. I've been thinking about my contributions and my desires around it. It seems more possible than it did before. There are lots of models, not to mention, I like that I have ideas of my own.
The gardens here are AMAZING. Pictures won't be as immense as the gardens themselves. I wish I could send home fruits and veggies. The gardens are a BIG part of this place and I am thankful for that. I am sad to only have my apt. in Seattle, but am seriously thinking about some p-patch space when I get home. I'm sure many of you would like to help...which would be yummy!
I am thoroughly enjoying getting all the emails and updates. It's nice to hear the mundane details too...
Keep writing and reading...
Oh, I will be here this coming week, but the week after I shall be planting trees in the Caledonian Forest so I'll be away from email...I'll try to come back and update though. I have a blog I haven't downloaded yet, and will do so soon when I get my laptop back online.
Thanks for reading!

'Ello!
Okay, no one says that to me...although 'Hiya' is a popular one.
Can't write a lot right now...but here's some vital info. My snail mail address is:
Becca Campbell
Findhorn Foundation, The Park
Forres, Scotland IV36 3TZ
(AIRMAIL)
and if you want to leave me a VM call 1-800-706-1333
then press *2
then enter 7211216408950, press#
LEAVE MESSAGE
I get these online, so there is no ring at Findhorn...I do have a number there, but I forgot it at the moment...
Go ahead and leave me VMs though...I miss hearing people's voices.
All is going well. There's a LOT to process and even more to write...I miss you all a lot!

This blog entry is out of place because I wrote it when I wasn't online. Here it is.
Sept. 6th
Hello all! I’m writing you from my room at 12 midnight. I just came home from a really cool jazz concert at Findhorn Foundation. Today was my first day of Experience Week. It takes place at the other campus of the Findhorn Foundation. It’s a week of getting to know how the Foundation works, self-exploration, and meeting others from around the world. I’ve never heard so many accents from so many different places. I enjoy it…although it takes a sharp ear to really decipher a lot of it!
Other than the plain play by play, I’d thought I’d switch it up and talk more about my internal process. I had a lot of fears upon coming here. First and foremost was the age/experience gap. I am an older student and I feared that a lot of what I’d be learning here would be repetitive. So far, I’ve been quite comfortable with the learning style that they are acquainting us with. I’ve been a holistic learner all my life and this is just another college in that respect. The age gap has only been obvious a few times, but it’s just interesting to observe. I won’t pretend it’s always amazing…but I haven’t felt alienated or alienating at this point. Although a lot of the group dynamics lessons are not that new to me. I’ve been in a lot of groups, I realize. Part of my learning has been around the balance between group time and alone time. It’s a balance I have always struggled with. One part is that I really like being alone. I like the reflection I get to have. I love to observe things. Another part is that in liking to be alone, I feel bad because it can seem like I want to isolate. And sometimes I do, without knowing, and it actually IS isolating. Other times I WANT to isolate because that’s the only way I know how to be alone comfortably, to push people away. I was beginning to explore the wanting to be alone while staying connected to people. That seems to be where I’m going with it today. I came home early because I didn’t want to stay at the Jazz concert. I feel confused at times about the difference between doing something because it’s "cool" or doing something because I want to. I see the rest of the group engaging, meeting people, etc, and although I know it’s not really appropriate to compare myself, I feel like I am always missing something when I don’t engage the same way as other people. And I don’t. I am reminded of times that I was less inclined to speak up and meet people, and I still had a valuable experience. I still meet people, I still learn things, but it’s hard not to feel like I am missing something. So that’s an interesting notion. I’m over the more intense homesickness I was beginning to feel…I really like the group, and there is a lot of love and openness that is present. It’s surprising that a group I’m in has gelled so quickly, but I won’t condemn it, because I like the comfortability we have already. I can definitely feel my edges being approached. Although, I am finally understanding that it’s not necessary to put myself in extreme situations to learn. Coming all the way here, to learn this, was a big deal, and I honor the learning that will take place, but I also want to note that any perspective I thought I might get, can be gotten in other places too. I’m a pretty good study of myself. I am a bit self-conscious about not feeling like I have to participate in all the activities that are presented to me. We went into town today (Forres—if you’re looking on a map of scotland) and I was excited to be in town, amongst other non-Findhorn people, just for a comfortable connection. I rather like small town stuff. I had my eggs, beans, and toast. J I even learned to spin wool today. It was great! I am excited to get back into town and go to the post office, sit in pubs and cafes, and buy food from the grocery store. My eating habits have altered drastically and I can’t be constantly eating veggies…I need time to get used to it.
I have found that I really enjoy meditation. Even if I don’t make it to the group meditation, I really like the quiet time. It’s one of the times when I am alone that I feel okay, safe, and empowered.
One thing I forgot about living with my community in Seattle, is that I don’t have to keep reintroducing myself, where I’m from, what I’m doing here, etc. I can just be myself and people know all that stuff already. I’ll be excited when I don’t have to answer those questions anymore. In about 2 months.
I am learning a lot about community life though. It’s not the utopia I thought I wanted. It’s a real life working and challenged at times, community. I’ll be taking a class on Human Ecology and I’m writing my paper on Urban Community and Sustainability since that is where my interests lie. If you have any info, websites, books, people etc, that you want to recommend that deal with that type of stuff, please email me at beccacampbell@hotmail.com and let me know about it. The paper should be interesting since I finally have many resources available to me to explore it. Although Findhorn is pretty rural, lots of the people here have lived all over in many diff. communities. Our Human Ecology teacher is an awesome storyteller from Ireland who’s currently the secretary of the Global Ecovillages Network. He’s great! Very inspiring.
We met our teachers for "drinkies" (this is what it’s called when you meet over alcoholic drinks). They’re all amazing people, with tons of experience and knowledge about all the things we’re going to study. I feel very fortunate to have them as my teachers. I’m excited for each class.
I’ve attuned (we meditated on which work shift we would take) to working in the Park Gardens. I am excited to get back in touch with the earth. I came here to get back in touch and I figure that this is the place to do it. The flowers are beautiful and the whole area is so well kept, it'’ incredible. There are gardens everywhere! And to think that most of Findhorn is built on sand!
I met with my ‘support person.’ This is someone in the community who is specifically available to me to ask questions of, learn the ropes from, etc. She works with the Windmill committee. The Windmill supplies 20% of Findhorn’s power. They are hoping to get more windmills so that it would eventually support 100%. I’m excited to talk to her more about that.
I definitely like the contact with the small town of Forres. It’s a nice cultural balance for me since there’s not much Scottish culture at the Foundation.
Tomorrow we’ll be doing something called Sacred Dance. I don’t know how I feel about having to dance in the morning as an activity, but we’ll see what it’s all about. Time for bed now.

Well, after being a wee bit annoying and persistent, we now have internet access in the house. On my computer! I don't mind sharing as long as I can have a much faster computer hooked up...and so, for once in my life, my self-motivation has gotten me somewhere! Not that any of the other people in my group really care that much...they like the farming, agriculture, nature stuff. Me? I'm just here for the experience of internet in a totally different country. I do realize though, that most people came here for the community and nature and all that other good stuff, and don't get me wrong, I enjoy that too, but hey, I have no problem with my love of computers, DSL, and technology. I'm a part of this community in my very own unique way.
I just finished my first full day at Findhorn.
We had a long and comprehensive orientation to life here...well, one of 5 days, anyway. There is a lot to process and I find that I am constantly tired from having all the data entry. It's more than data, I spose. There is just a lot of input in general. We met at Cullerne (I am in the process of downloading pictures so you'll know what I mean when I use names of areas/buildings). We went over basic things in our notebooks that they gave us. Most of it was common knowledge for me, since 1) I read everything I can get my hands on 2) this system of education, thanks to the 40 schools I've been to in my whole educational career, is nothing new for me. Holistic learning is the way I have learned, with or without a structure for it. And now, I am continuing that here. I might sound jaded, I might even be a little jaded, but for the most part, I'm just very comfortable with this style of education.
We went on a tour of The Park, got to see some of the more expensive eco homes (and you better believe I was all about trying to get in to see some of them), and had a really nice meditation in the nature sanctuary (this is a funny reference to a building you'll see pictures of, since I find that MOST, if not ALL of Findhorn is a nature sanctuary of sorts). It was the first real meditation I've had since being here and of course, my heart, soul, and mind welcomed the break from their constant chattering. I cried a little, mostly because I forget to feel my body (heart? soul?) and the re-introduction is nice and a little emotional. Findhorn is the home of the Angel cards (I will take a picture of one so you can see what they are) and on each card there is a word and a cute little pictogram of an angel in action. We each picked one and mine was FREEDOM. Right away I didn't really connect with why I picked that one, but I now realize that I live in a restrictive world. It's less about outside pressure and more about my expectations of myself. This is important for me to keep in touch with because those expectations are in every crevice of my life. And I am open to seeing that shift (only if it wants to!) here. Meditation is a practice I'd like to incorporate more in my daily life because my heart and soul have many things to tell me, show me, etc, and that's a great time to do it.
So after the meditation I came back, got the internet going, and then we went to dinner. Afterward, I was on KP. There's something about a good clean-up that really excites me. It's closure for the meal. Before each shift and then when we're done, we have what's called an "attunement." This word has several sorts of meanings and one is that it's a time to center before an activity, to get present, and focused. It is also a way to check in (we do then within our academic group), see where people are at, etc. It's a really nice practice for me, since I am often floating elsewhere. There is much intentionality.
The group is really cool. Everyone seems to have very interrelated interests. I went to an open mic last night and there was some really great talent. One guy sang about how he wanted a girlfriend and that he meditated and spoke to his inner spirit and all that but all he wanted was a girlfriend and one he got one, meditation and all that other crap would take a backseat. I laughed so hard! So not everyone here wants to get in touch with Mother Earth. They're still human beings with all the paradoxes! It was nice to see that. My two "advisors" are cool like that too...not froo froo at all. And yet we can all still meditate. It's a mind-blower, in any case.
My housemates and I have decided to have one night a week where we cook and watch a movie and relax. It'll be nice to not have to eat the common meal food. Let me just reiterate that I'm not really a veggie eater...and it's quite a switch.
So now I am unwinding and I should head over to the other house to hang out. There's so much to process that I have a hard time getting it all down on "paper."
Til tomorrow!

7 people, chosen to live together, in an intentional community, at Findhorn. This is what happens when people stop showering, and start eating a lot of organic food.

That's my rendition of the "Real World Findhorn." If only I had a video camera. Anyway, Day 1. Here I am. Well rested, well fed (according to the California Act of Organic Agriculture), and well overwhelmed. It's a good overwhelming though. If there is such a thing. The environmental science majors are out walking along the beach and the writer is inside, safe and a bit chilly, writing, of course. Can't beat myself up for being who I am, I guess. I will be happier when I can type on my own computer and not the ancient Macintosh relic, the PowerMac 7200 (can I get a what's up for old macs?).
I had a pleasant dinner last night after my arrival. Veggies, veggies, everywhere and not enough toilet paper. That's my theme. Graphic, but hey, it's the truth. (truth!). The food is really good. I mean, it's a change from the junk food I had all summer, but it will be good for me to do a little clean out of the ol' system. It was slowing me down. Not that I was really moving that fast (between the couch and my computer). I ate beets yesterday...and people say I can't change! I'll show them.
Anyway, The Park, which is what we refer to as where we are (live, eat, hang, etc) is nice. I do feel like I am at a summer camp...only it's more like a winter camp. It's already rained quite a bit and I packed away any light clothing I brought and pushed the sweaters to the front of the closet. I'm back in my wool socks too. The area surrounding our bungalow is lush and green, largely do to one of the three MAJOR rules: "Don't pick the flowers." (The other two are don't smoke and don't do illegal drugs). It's a natural paradise really. There are tons of places to sit, get lost, read, meditate (there's a whole sanctuary and even a separate eating hall for those who don't want to talk). Our bungalow is nice. Rooms are small but common rooms are large and comfortable. I am excited to fill up the walls with the art we do. Our orientation starts tomorrow and goes for a good two weeks. Lots to learn in a short amount of time. Originally 3 months felt like a long time, but with all I want to do, it feels shorter already. Stay tuned for how that will change in a month...(!)
My fellow roommates and classmates are a fairly diverse bunch. Well, we're all women (and one lone man), so not THAT diverse, but we all have diff. majors and interests. I'll take pictures soon so you'll know who's who when I talk about them.
We had brunch today with more of the community and I had more questions than air with which to expell them. So many different things interest me and everything seems different when people are "in community."
That's how life is referred to. Apparently, lots of people only live in community for a short time...not a lifetime, although I already met a girl who was born here. That's pretty interesting to see. 16 years old, living in community. The 12-28 yr old population is sparse, if at all. Kind of disconcerting since that's my age group, but interesting nonetheless since the students of FCS become that population. All seven of us. :) I am interested in how the system of community works and already we've been given the basic skeleton of KP duty, work shifts, etc. There are about 150 people here (not the 400 I read about) and of those, not many are directly related to the college. The community just got considerably smaller, in a day or two.
I'll be attending an open mic tonight, sizing up the crowd, seeing about doing my own performance. I've been writing quite a bit so I imagine at least I'll do that. There are dance classes, meditation classes, this and that happening all the time and I am excited to try as much as possible..if not a bit broke already from just thinking about it.
Findhorn the village (referred to as "the village" from now on) is a short jaunt up the road. The villagers are not fond of the confusion between Findhorn the foundation (the greater community) and the village. But we're careful to specify (as I have done extensively here). It's interesting how those dynamics work. Alternative communities are usually shoved off to the side, as an after thought. I'm interested in trying to smooth over those rough lines when I start my own community. Which, of course, is something that is easy to think about when I walk around and ask a million questions. I can see where the system needs work and it makes me push those things forward in my mind so they are considered early on. I think technology is a tool that is only recently being applied to the alternative living styles. Not just architecture or power sources, but the integration of the whole thing. Some people only know about one thing, so they are not as connected to the next thing that doesn't seem to be related. This is much harder to come together when people don't know how things operate. Note to self.
On a more personal note, I admit that change is hard for me in the beginning because of the switching of routines. The next two weeks will be spent orienting ourselves and I may have little access to the internet (and therefore messages will be bounced back) but I will get back to it as soon as possible. I may have to handwrite (gasp!) til then. I already had the revelation that although I came here with lofty ideas about change and growth, I really do like myself the way I am. Not in a "I'll never change" sort of way, but I am okay with my quirkiness and sometimes enjoy the juxtaposition of the techno-freak versus the dreadlock queen or the environmental studies majors. And I'm not sorry I used most of my luggage to bring tons of warm clothes. I'm quite certain I will be using them all, in multiple layers of course.
At this point I am a bit tired and I will be settling down for a little nap, maybe a little meditation...or maybe more writing in a much warmer place (this shed is unheated). Keep checking in and I hope to hear from everyone about any news you'd like to share. Also, feel free to ask me questions as I'm sure I am skipping over tons of things because there is so much to process!

Welcome all ye to my first Scottish blog. Remember, "if it's not Scottish, it's crap!" I am currently in the library in Glasgow, Scotland. If you don't know where that is, then find a map and look in the upper middle section of Scotland. It's in between a few sheep, just north of Haggisland, real close to the Loch Ness Monster. I had a trial of a time getting here though, to be honest. I left Seattle well-rested and full of enthusiasm, and that all slowly dwindled away as I lost sleep, got a few kinks in my neck from plane travel, and lugged my heavy luggage (now you know where the word 'lug' comes from!) in a big circle, up and down stairs to my almost final destination, McLay's Guest House. Inappropriate euphamism will be insinuated now (but still misspelled). I've had a whale of a time figuring out what time it is...since all the clocks say different things...and I thought the UK was home of the atomic clock! Anyway, back to my interesting arrival. So I got to NYC at a pretty late hour. I had intended to stay with a friend of mine, but failed to call prior to my arrival (never assume people remember that you are coming on a given day) so I arrived to an empty apt. Well, I never got into the apt. actually. I got as far as the urine-filled hallway leading to the apt. Luckily, some very awake and very friendly NYC Pratty kids let me in and even helped me with my 41lb. bag. I resolved to sit and wait for said friend until he arrived (all the while upset that I had not brought my cell phone). I read my book and wrote some stuff on my laptop and ended up spending about an hour and a half waiting. That is, until I fell asleep. I managed to hear one of the Pratty kids, upon his departure from the building, call me a hobo. "See ya later, hobo!" Which made me smile and also, woke me up. A few girls from this same group who lived in the building took some New York (or rather Connecticut) pity on me and let me come up to their apt., call my friend, and then call Eli. After a few short minutes, where I was privy to some energetic art school students NOT on speed tell me all about their dating prospects, Eli called back and came to get me. But it was not before the girls offered to let me stay there overnight, some hospitality that I was VERY grateful for. No more urine hallways for me!
Eli came and took me to his house, where at the ripe hour of 4:30am, I fell soundly asleep. Luckily, it was his day off that day so there was little disruption. I knew I had to be at the airport at 5pm but the rest of the day was free to gallavant around NYC. Well, that's a strong verb, more like eat and go shopping. Which I did. Met a friend of Eli's, Joe, who talked movies (excuse me, film) with me. Good peeps all around. I headed off to JFK to await my departure from NY to, no, not Scotland yet, but Iceland! Those of you who know the methods of budget travel know that there is no such thing as a cheap direct flight. I will eventually learn that "flexible" is another word for "inconvenient." I was told to arrive at 5pm, even though the flight wasn't until 8:50p. Nothing like a few hours in the airport. I made use of this time by finishing my book, sleeping in an airport chair, and waiting around the ticket counter for them to make me run to my gate (only to have to check my carry on bag!). This was a thrill I won't forget, although I might like to eventually. I boarded my plane just in time and we were off to Iceland. Many other budget travelers were on board. I sat in between two nice gentleman who spoke a little of my destination, Findhorn, and the beauty of Iceland (two separate convos). I was excited to hear the accents already and was even more excited at the engaged expression upon my explanation of 'Findhorn' and my studies therein. Then I proceeded to have a very uncomfortable nap for 5 hours. We got to Iceland just fine, and there I was permitted to sleep a little while more in another set of airport chairs. These ones were better since I could lie down. Then we were off again to Glasgow. I arrived in Glasgow tired and excited and assumed my position of "aware student traveler." This is a catch-22 though. Looking like I know what I am doing wards off any would-be theives, and yet it also wards off any nice people who wouldn't mind helping a confused traveler out. Luckily, I am quick to figure out my bearings and I boarded a bus (on the left side of the street) going toward the city, Glasgow (known as GLA from here on out). I got off the bus at the Queen Street Station, supposedly blocks from the guest house I had researched prior to my arrival. This is a recommended method of tourism, as you have at least one reference point, and can feel free to explore others without feeling a sense of being stranded. In the station I proceeded to find a map, and look for the address of the guest house. I didn't want to walk a long ways but ended up doing so before I realized I overshot my destination. Nothing like a heavy bag, little sleep, and even less food to make a nice stroll worthwhile.
I ended up staying at my previously viewed guest house because I had a heavy bag and thought that one trip up a bunch of stairs was plenty. I'm now staying in a single bed room with cable. And many of you might be a little miffed at my excitement about cable...well, it's nice to have something making noise when you have no one to talk to and you are suffering jet lag. Which I was. I ended up napping all through the day despite my desire to stay awake...I figured I'd sleep at night too so it was okay. There was a tea kettle in my room and the bathroom down the hall had no water pressure. I love GLA! After a much needed shower and change of clothes (it's COLD already), I headed out into the city to see about some dinner. Those who have traveled with me know that my staples are tea biscuits and orange juice and a nearby grocery store provided me the comfort I desired. I enjoy buying food in grocery stores rather than going out. It's cheaper, but also I get to see what other food there is. And I don't have to pay tax or tip. Plus, I think I can deal with a cold turkey sandwich now and again. As I was walking I found it hard not to smile (or grin, rather) at people...not the actual people themselves, but the fact that I was here in Scotland, looking at Scottish people. I eventually went home though because I was tired again and knew I should really go to bed early to get all the sleep I could so I could walk around the next day.
I woke up this morning, got ready, watched a little tv (it's just tempting, okay?) and then went downstairs for my Scottish breakfast. YUM. Eggs, bacon, sausage, a potato thingy (not a waffle one though), toast and tea. Just what I wanted! I wolfed that down and headed out to 'get things done.' I had to write my papers (one is done and I have one more to go), get to the post office, buy a rail ticket and discount card, and all that other business stuff. Plus, I knew I should see a little of Glasgow before I headed out to Findhorn tomorrow. The museum wasn't open yet so I walked around like a wide-eyed tourist for a little while until I got to the info place. I found out where the library was, and the subsequent internet terminals. Resourceful, am I. So far I have spent most of the day inside on the computer gettings things done.
I am comforted by hearing Scottish accents and I look forward to being able to speak in one as well. I have already started thinking in one, and I just have to make it come out sounding natural. It's weird to hear myself talk and I have done a good job of speaking softly and politely so as not to draw attention to the fact that I am not from around here. I take pride in being able to blend in to my surroundings. A cultural chameleon of sorts. I already had someone ask me how they weigh the bananas...granted, she was even more foreign than I.
GLA is a nice town. Not as drizzly as I expected. It looks like a European city, but I decided I like that look. Lots of places to rent here. Lots of awesome buildings. Lots of cellphone stores and clothing stores.
I will be off to Findhorn in the morn. I am excited to unpack my huge bag...have a place to call home for three months. I am excited to talk to people too. I'm already blazing through the books I brought with me, which is good, but also narrows my reading down. I'm sure it will pick up when I start school. I almost forgot I am here for school. It still feels like vacation to me.
I of course miss everyone...I am often reminded of people while I attempt to live a regular life. I assumed I would be really sad upon my departure but no tears have come. I'm guessing that's because I feel most sad and lonely when I am isolated and when I can't keep in touch. Having the internet for free at the library is something of a godsend and I feel much better for having it. I spose that means I won't be running off to any less 'developed' countries, for fear of not being able to keep in touch. It's just one of those things I guess.
After leaving all of my loved ones behind, I realize that missing them is more about realizing that they are integral parts of my life and I look forward to the new way in which we can communicate in the coming months. Distance is a wonderful thing looked at from a new perspective.
That seems to be it so far. I don't think I'll be logging in again today, but that's my update. If anyone wants a postcard written with old fashioned pen and paper, feel free to email me your snail mail address (if I don't already have it). Also, tell me if you have a birthday I might miss because I didn't write them all down. beccacampbell@hotmail.com. Okay, I should get going. Cheers mates, and I'll write again soon.

I wouldn't say I'm addicted to blogging...but then again, that just depends on your definition of "addiction"...and maybe "blogging"...and possibly "say."
I have an phone interview regarding Findhorn tomorrow. I'm excited. I'd be nervous if I had any idea what they were going to ask me, but I think they just want to hear me make complete, coherent sentences...which I can do. Sometimes I like to use fragments...poetic license and all that...but my thoughts are intelligent enough.
I bought a wheeled piece of luggage...that was a big deal. I started packing a little, mostly to get the stuff out of my closet. I have about 3 more months to get things taken care of...I need insurance and a passport photo and a much better idea of what I should be taking with me.
I am excited. This is a point of departure for me...every time I think about doing something like this, I think that. But really, I can feel it. I have always felt it about travel and spending time other places but I haven't ever spent that long away...and I know I keep myself here because of all the things that continue to go on...I have an awesome set of friends and a great, supportive family...and yet my heart still tugs at my sleeve and asks politely, "Can we go now?" I don't know what business it has in Scotland, or any other place, but I am tired of the tugging and equally tired of the ignoring...so we will go. August 28th or something...we'll be on our way.
In the meantime, I have one more shortish qtr. of school, the summer, the moments of time before I go, and a shit ton of things to do before then...welcome aboard.